Who wins

I have survived others I can survive myself.
The least I can do is stop hurting the same thing they hurt.
You don’t win from my sadness but you win from
my gone-ness.
My heart is made filthy but
water of living on will slowly scrub
and erode the matted earth that spreads out all the way to my lungs.
You will not win from my shallow breaths
but you will win from my arrested heart.
I will not do it.
I will not stretch myself into the ribbon at your finish line.
You wish me away, I fortify.
You wish me weak, I fortify.
I will not eat myself away with the fork you gave me
in my darkest nights.

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